All DOS Comments

ADDUSERS Add or list users to/from a CSV file

ARP Address Resolution Protocol

ASSOC Change file extension associations

ASSOCIAT One step file association

AT Schedule a command to run at a later time

ATTRIB Change file attributes

BOOTCFG Edit Windows boot settings

BROWSTAT Get domain, browser and PDC info

CACLS Change file permissions

CALL Call one batch program from another

CD Change Directory - move to a specific Folder

CHANGE Change Terminal Server Session properties

CHKDSK Check Disk - check and repair disk problems

CHKNTFS Check the NTFS file system

CHOICE Accept keyboard input to a batch file

CIPHER Encrypt or Decrypt files/folders

CleanMgr Automated cleanup of Temp files, recycle bin

CLEARMEM Clear memory leaks

CLIP Copy STDIN to the Windows clipboard.

CLS Clear the screen

CLUSTER Windows Clustering

CMD Start a new CMD shell

COLOR Change colors of the CMD window

COMP Compare the contents of two files or sets of files

COMPACT Compress files or folders on an NTFS partition

COMPRESS Compress individual files on an NTFS partition

CON2PRT Connect or disconnect a Printer

CONVERT Convert a FAT drive to NTFS.

COPY Copy one or more files to another location

CSVDE Import or Export Active Directory data 

DATE Display or set the date

Dcomcnfg DCOM Configuration Utility

DEFRAG Defragment hard drive

DEL Delete one or more files

DELPROF Delete NT user profiles

DELTREE Delete a folder and all subfolders

DevCon Device Manager Command Line Utility 

DIR Display a list of files and folders

DIRUSE Display disk usage

DISKCOMP Compare the contents of two floppy disks

DISKCOPY Copy the contents of one floppy disk to another

DNSSTAT DNS Statistics

DOSKEY Edit command line, recall commands, and create macros

DSADD Add user (computer, group..) to active directory

DSQUERY List items in active directory

DSMOD Modify user (computer, group..) in active directory

ECHO Display message on screen

ENDLOCAL End localisation of environment changes in a batch file

ERASE Delete one or more files

EXIT Quit the CMD shell

EXPAND Uncompress files

EXTRACT Uncompress CAB files

FC Compare two files

FDISK Disk Format and partition

FIND Search for a text string in a file

FINDSTR Search for strings in files

FOR Conditionally perform a command several times

FORFILES Batch process multiple files

FORMAT Format a disk

FREEDISK Check free disk space (in bytes)

FSUTIL File and Volume utilities

FTP File Transfer Protocol

FTYPE Display or modify file types used in file extension associations

GLOBAL Display membership of global groups

GOTO Direct a batch program to jump to a labelled line

HELP Online Help

HFNETCHK Network Security Hotfix Checker 

IF Conditionally perform a command

IFMEMBER Is the current user in an NT Workgroup

IPCONFIG Configure IP

KILL Remove a program from memory

LABEL Edit a disk label

LOCAL Display membership of local groups

LOGEVENT Write text to the NT event viewer.

LOGOFF Log a user off

LOGTIME Log the date and time in a file

MAPISEND Send email from the command line

MEM Display memory usage

MD Create new folders

MODE Configure a system device

MORE Display output, one screen at a time

MOUNTVOL Manage a volume mount point

MOVE Move files from one folder to another

MOVEUSER Move a user from one domain to another

MSG Send a message

MSIEXEC Microsoft Windows Installer

MSINFO Windows NT diagnostics

MSTSC Terminal Server Connection (Remote Desktop Protocol)

MUNGE Find and Replace text within file(s)

MV Copy in-use files

NET Manage network resources

NETDOM Domain Manager

NETSH Configure network protocols

NETSVC Command-line Service Controller

NBTSTAT Display networking statistics (NetBIOS over TCP/IP)

NETSTAT Display networking statistics (TCP/IP)

NOW Display the current Date and Time 

NSLOOKUP Name server lookup

NTBACKUP Backup folders to tape

NTRIGHTS Edit user account rights

PATH Display or set a search path for executable files

PATHPING Trace route plus network latency and packet loss

PAUSE Suspend processing of a batch file and display a message

PERMS Show permissions for a user

PERFMON Performance Monitor

PING Test a network connection

POPD Restore the previous value of the current directory saved by PUSHD

PORTQRY Display the status of ports and services

PRINT Print a text file

PRNCNFG Display, configure or rename a printer

PRNMNGR Add, delete, list printers set the default printer

PROMPT Change the command prompt

PsExec Execute process remotely

PsFile Show files opened remotely

PsGetSid Display the SID of a computer or a user

PsInfo List information about a system

PsKill Kill processes by name or process ID

PsList List detailed information about processes

PsLoggedOn Who's logged on (locally or via resource sharing)

PsLogList Event log records

PsPasswd Change account password

PsService View and control services

PsShutdown Shutdown or reboot a computer

PsSuspend Suspend processes

PUSHD Save and then change the current directory

QGREP Search file(s) for lines that match a given pattern.

RASDIAL Manage RAS connections

RASPHONE Manage RAS connections

RECOVER Recover a damaged file from a defective disk.

REG Read, Set or Delete registry keys and values

REGEDIT Import or export registry settings

REGSVR32 Register or unregister a DLL

REGINI Change Registry Permissions

REM Record comments (remarks) in a batch file

REN Rename a file or files.

REPLACE Replace or update one file with another

RD Delete folder(s)

RDISK Create a Recovery Disk

RMTSHARE Share a folder or a printer

ROBOCOPY Robust File and Folder Copy

ROUTE Manipulate network routing tables

RUNAS Execute a program under a different user account

RUNDLL32 Run a DLL command (add/remove print connections)

SC Service Control

SCHTASKS Create or Edit Scheduled Tasks 

SCLIST Display NT Services

ScriptIt Control GUI applications

SET Display, set, or remove environment variables

SETLOCAL Begin localisation of environment changes in a batch file

SETX Set environment variables permanently 

SHARE List or edit a file share or print share

SHIFT Shift the position of replaceable parameters in a batch file

SHORTCUT Create a windows shortcut (.LNK file)

SHOWGRPS List the NT Workgroups a user has joined

SHOWMBRS List the Users who are members of a Workgroup

SHUTDOWN Shutdown the computer

SLEEP Wait for x seconds

SOON Schedule a command to run in the near future

SORT Sort input

START Start a separate window to run a specified program or command

SU Switch User

SUBINACL Edit file and folder Permissions, Ownership and Domain

SUBST Associate a path with a drive letter

SYSTEMINFO List system configuration

TASKLIST List running applications and services

TIME Display or set the system time

TIMEOUT Delay processing of a batch file

TITLE Set the window title for a CMD.EXE session

TOUCH Change file timestamps 

TRACERT Trace route to a remote host

TREE Graphical display of folder structure

TYPE Display the contents of a text file

USRSTAT List domain usernames and last login

VER Display version information

VERIFY Verify that files have been saved

VOL Display a disk label

WHERE Locate and display files in a directory tree

WHOAMI Output the current UserName and domain

WINDIFF Compare the contents of two files or sets of files

WINMSD Windows system diagnostics

WINMSDP Windows system diagnostics II

WMIC WMI Commands

XCACLS Change file permissions

XCOPY Copy files and folders

EXCEL SHORTCUT KEYS

F2 Edit the selected cell
F5 Go to a specific cell
F7 Spell check selected text and/or document
F11 Create chart
Ctrl + Shift + ; Enter the current time
Ctrl + ; Enter the current date
Alt + Shift + F1Insert new worksheet
Shift + F3 Open the Excel formula window
Shift + F5 Bring up search box
Ctrl + A Select all contents of worksheet
Ctrl + B Bold highlighted selection
Ctrl + I Italicize highlighted selection
Ctrl + C Copy selected text
Ctrl + V Paste
Ctrl + D Fill
Ctrl + K Insert link
Ctrl + F Open find and replace options
Ctrl + G Open go-to options
Ctrl + H Open find and replace options
Ctrl + U Underline highlighted selection
Ctrl + Y Underline selected text
Ctrl + 5 Strikethrough highlighted selection
Ctrl + O Open options
Ctrl + N Open new document
Ctrl + P Open print dialog box
Ctrl + S Save
Ctrl + Z Undo last action
Ctrl + F9 Minimize current window
Ctrl + F10 Maximize currently selected window
Ctrl + F6 Switch between open workbooks/windows
Ctrl + Page up & Page Down Move between Excel worksheets in the same document
Ctrl + Tab Move between two or more open Excel files
Alt + = Create formula to sum all of above cells
Ctrl + ‘ Insert value of above cell into current cell
Ctrl + Shift + ! Format number in comma format
Ctrl + Shift + $ Format number in currency format
Ctrl + Shift + # Format number in date format
Ctrl + Shift + % Format number in percentage format
Ctrl + Shift + ^ Format number in scientific format
Ctrl + Shift + @ Format number in time format
Ctrl + g Move to next section of text
Ctrl + Space Select entire column
Shift + Space Select entire row
Ctrl + W Close document

OUTLOOK SHORTCUT KEYS

Alt + S Send the email
Ctrl + C Copy selected text
Ctrl + X Cut selected text
Ctrl + P Open print dialog box
Ctrl + K Complete name/email typed in address bar
Ctrl + B Bold highlighted selection
Ctrl + I Italicize highlighted selection
Ctrl + U Underline highlighted selection
Ctrl + R Reply to an email
Ctrl + F Forward an email
Ctrl + N Create a new email
Ctrl + Shift + A Create a new appointment to your calendar
Ctrl + Shift + O Open the outbox
Ctrl + Shift + I Open the inbox
Ctrl + Shift + K Add a new task
Ctrl + Shift + C Create a new contact
Ctrl + Shift+ J Create a new journal entry

Women in (O)ur Life

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are; Who is earning almost as much as you do;

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is as human as you are;

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family name

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen

One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise

One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.

But not many guys understand this...

Well... Give it a thought now!!!

RESPECT WOMAN

Name'z Magical Meaning

Hi friends...

Check ur name with the following meaning.. Its give good meaning of ur char

Instructions : What you do is find out what each letter of your name means.Then connect all the meanings and it describes YOU. ( Its TRUE) &( Is'nt it GREAT !!). If you have double or triple letters, just count the meaning once.

For Example:
Vinod
== > V = You have a very good physique and looks.
== > I = You are always smiling and making others smile.
== > N = You like to work, but you always want a break.
== > O = You are very open-minded.
== > D = You have trouble trusting people.

Those magical words are
A = You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
B = You are always cautious when it comes to meeting newpeople .
C = You definitely have a partier side in you, don't be shy to show it.
D = You have trouble trusting people.
E = You are a very exciting person.
F = Everyone loves you.
G = You have excellent ways of viewing people.
H = You are not judgmental.
I = You are always smiling and making others smile.
J =Jealously.
K = You like to try new things.
L = Love is something you deeply believe in.
M = Success comes easily to you.
N = You like to work, but you always want a break.
O = You are very open-minded.
P = You are very friendly and understanding.
Q = You are a hypocrite.
R = You are a social butterfly.
S = You are very broad-minded.
T = You have an attitude, a big one.
U = You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
V = You have a very good physique and looks.
W = You like your privacy.
X =You never let people tell you what to do.
Y = You cause a lot of trouble.
Z = You're always fighting with someone.

More than 100 Keyboard Shortcuts

Keyboard Shortcuts (Microsoft Windows)
1. CTRL+C (Copy)
2. CTRL+X (Cut)
3. CTRL+V (Paste)
4. CTRL+Z (Undo)
5. DELETE (Delete)
6. SHIFT+DELETE (Delete the selected item permanently without placing the item in the Recycle Bin)
7. CTRL while dragging an item (Copy the selected item)
8. CTRL+SHIFT while dragging an item (Create a shortcut to the selected item)
9. F2 key (Rename the selected item)
10. CTRL+RIGHT ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the next word)
11. CTRL+LEFT ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the previous word)
12. CTRL+DOWN ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the next paragraph)
13. CTRL+UP ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the previous paragraph)
14. CTRL+SHIFT with any of the arrow keys (Highlight a block of text) SHIFT with any of the arrow keys (Select more than one item in a window or on the desktop, or select text in a document)
15. CTRL+A (Select all)
16. F3 key (Search for a file or a folder)
17. ALT+ENTER (View the properties for the selected item)
18. ALT+F4 (Close the active item, or quit the active program)
19. ALT+ENTER (Display the properties of the selected object)
20. ALT+SPACEBAR (Open the shortcut menu for the active window)
21. CTRL+F4 (Close the active document in programs that enable you to have multiple documents open simultaneously)
22. ALT+TAB (Switch between the open items)
23. ALT+ESC (Cycle through items in the order that they had been opened)
24. F6 key (Cycle through the screen elements in a window or on the desktop)
25. F4 key (Display the Address bar list in My Computer or Windows Explorer)
26. SHIFT+F10 (Display the shortcut menu for the selected item)
27. ALT+SPACEBAR (Display the System menu for the active window)
28. CTRL+ESC (Display the Start menu)
29. ALT+Underlined letter in a menu name (Display the corresponding menu) Underlined letter in a command name on an open menu (Perform the corresponding command)
30. F10 key (Activate the menu bar in the active program)
31. RIGHT ARROW (Open the next menu to the right, or open a submenu)
32. LEFT ARROW (Open the next menu to the left, or close a submenu)
33. F5 key (Update the active window)
34. BACKSPACE (View the folder one level up in My Computer or Windows Explorer)
35. ESC (Cancel the current task)
36. SHIFT when you insert a CD-ROM into the CD-ROM drive (Prevent the CD-ROM from automatically playing)


Dialog Box Keyboard Shortcuts
1. CTRL+TAB (Move forward through the tabs)
2. CTRL+SHIFT+TAB (Move backward through the tabs)
3. TAB (Move forward through the options)
4. SHIFT+TAB (Move backward through the options)
5. ALT+Underlined letter (Perform the corresponding command or select the corresponding option)
6. ENTER (Perform the command for the active option or button)
7. SPACEBAR (Select or clear the check box if the active option is a check box)
8. Arrow keys (Select a button if the active option is a group of option buttons)
9. F1 key (Display Help)
10. F4 key (Display the items in the active list)
11. BACKSPACE (Open a folder one level up if a folder is selected in the Save As or Open dialog box)


Microsoft Natural Keyboard Shortcuts
1. Windows Logo (Display or hide the Start menu)
2. Windows Logo+BREAK (Display the System Properties dialog box)
3. Windows Logo+D (Display the desktop)
4. Windows Logo+M (Minimize all of the windows)
5. Windows Logo+SHIFT+M (Restore the minimized windows)
6. Windows Logo+E (Open My Computer)
7. Windows Logo+F (Search for a file or a folder)
8. CTRL+Windows Logo+F (Search for computers)
9. Windows Logo+F1 (Display Windows Help)
10. Windows Logo+ L (Lock the keyboard)
11. Windows Logo+R (Open the Run dialog box)
12. Windows Logo+U (Open Utility Manager)
13. Accessibility Keyboard Shortcuts
14. Right SHIFT for eight seconds (Switch FilterKeys either on or off)
15. Left ALT+left SHIFT+PRINT SCREEN (Switch High Contrast either on or off)
16. Left ALT+left SHIFT+NUM LOCK (Switch the MouseKeys either on or off)
17. SHIFT five times (Switch the StickyKeys either on or off)
18. NUM LOCK for five seconds (Switch the ToggleKeys either on or off)
19. Windows Logo +U (Open Utility Manager)
20. Windows Explorer Keyboard Shortcuts
21. END (Display the bottom of the active window)
22. HOME (Display the top of the active window)
23. NUM LOCK+Asterisk sign (*) (Display all of the subfolders that are under the selected folder)
24. NUM LOCK+Plus sign (+) (Display the contents of the selected folder)
25. NUM LOCK+Minus sign (-) (Collapse the selected folder)
26. LEFT ARROW (Collapse the current selection if it is expanded, or select the parent folder)
27. RIGHT ARROW (Display the current selection if it is collapsed, or select the first subfolder)


Shortcut Keys for Character Map
After you double-click a character on the grid of characters, you can move through the grid by using the keyboard shortcuts:
1. RIGHT ARROW (Move to the right or to the beginning of the next line)
2. LEFT ARROW (Move to the left or to the end of the previous line)
3. UP ARROW (Move up one row)
4. DOWN ARROW (Move down one row)
5. PAGE UP (Move up one screen at a time)
6. PAGE DOWN (Move down one screen at a time)
7. HOME (Move to the beginning of the line)
8. END (Move to the end of the line)
9. CTRL+HOME (Move to the first character)
10. CTRL+END (Move to the last character)
11. SPACEBAR (Switch between Enlarged and Normal mode when a character is selected)


Microsoft Management Console (MMC)


Main Window Keyboard Shortcuts
1. CTRL+O (Open a saved console)
2. CTRL+N (Open a new console)
3. CTRL+S (Save the open console)
4. CTRL+M (Add or remove a console item)
5. CTRL+W (Open a new window)
6. F5 key (Update the content of all console windows)
7. ALT+SPACEBAR (Display the MMC window menu)
8. ALT+F4 (Close the console)
9. ALT+A (Display the Action menu)
10. ALT+V (Display the View menu)
11. ALT+F (Display the File menu)
12. ALT+O (Display the Favorites menu)


MMC Console Window Keyboard Shortcuts
1. CTRL+P (Print the current page or active pane)
2. ALT+Minus sign (-) (Display the window menu for the active console window)
3. SHIFT+F10 (Display the Action shortcut menu for the selected item)
4. F1 key (Open the Help topic, if any, for the selected item)
5. F5 key (Update the content of all console windows)
6. CTRL+F10 (Maximize the active console window)
7. CTRL+F5 (Restore the active console window)
8. ALT+ENTER (Display the Properties dialog box, if any, for the selected item)
9. F2 key (Rename the selected item)
10. CTRL+F4 (Close the active console window. When a console has only one console window, this shortcut closes the console)


Remote Desktop Connection Navigation
1. CTRL+ALT+END (Open the Microsoft Windows NT Security dialog box)
2. ALT+PAGE UP (Switch between programs from left to right)
3. ALT+PAGE DOWN (Switch between programs from right to left)
4. ALT+INSERT (Cycle through the programs in most recently used order)
5. ALT+HOME (Display the Start menu)
6. CTRL+ALT+BREAK (Switch the client computer between a window and a full screen)
7. ALT+DELETE (Display the Windows menu)
8. CTRL+ALT+Minus sign (-) (Place a snapshot of the active window in the client on the Terminal server clipboard and provide the same functionality as pressing PRINT SCREEN on a local computer.)
9. CTRL+ALT+Plus sign (+) (Place a snapshot of the entire client window area on the Terminal server clipboard and provide the same functionality as pressing ALT+PRINT SCREEN on a local computer.)


Microsoft Internet Explorer Navigation
1. CTRL+B (Open the Organize Favorites dialog box)
2. CTRL+E (Open the Search bar)
3. CTRL+F (Start the Find utility)
4. CTRL+H (Open the History bar)
5. CTRL+I (Open the Favorites bar)
6. CTRL+L (Open the Open dialog box)
7. CTRL+N (Start another instance of the browser with the same Web address)
8. CTRL+O (Open the Open dialog box, the same as CTRL+L)
9. CTRL+P (Open the Print dialog box)
10. CTRL+R (Update the current Web page)
11. CTRL+W (Close the current window)

Funny leave letters.........

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India.

1. A student's leave letter:
"As I am suffering from my uncle's marriage I cannot attend the class...."

------------ --------- -------- ------------ ----
2. I.T.I., Bangalore:
An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one-week leave.

------------ --------- -------- ------------ ----
3. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may not return, please grant me half day ! casual leave"

------------ --------- -------- ------------ ---
4. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I amm suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

------------ --------- -------- ------------ ----
5. An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

------------ --------- -------- ------------ ----
6. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.

------------ --------- -------- ------------ ----
7. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, Please grant me 10 days leave.

------------ --------- -------- ------------ ----
8. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband At home I may be granted leave".

------------ --------- -------- ------------ ----
9. Another gem from I.T.I . Leave-letter from an employee who was Performing his daughter's wedding:
"As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave..."
------------ --------- -------- ------------ ----

How we ask too.....

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?"

But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."

And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I pray while I smoke?"

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means."

Moral: The reply you get depends on the question you ask.
For Example: Can I work on this project while I'm on vacation? !!!

Wonderful definitions of designations at office

1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

2)Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

9) Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby

PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID SO MUCH......

1 ) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3) Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."
Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer : "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4) Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
5) Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can yousee the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
Tech support : ##### ***

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6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer : "A white one."
Tech support : ******_____####

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7) Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"
Customer : "Pentium."
Tech support : ////-----+++

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8) Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
Tech support : ??????

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9) Customer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."
Tech Support : ?!%#$

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10) Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech support : ??????

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11) Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support : "What does it say?"
Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
Tech support : @@@@@

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
12) Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
13) Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?"
Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support : "Well?"
Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"
Tech support : *** ---- ++++

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The best of the lot
14)
A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that hiscomputer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: (keep quite)

Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup andit will fix theproblem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

Tech support:: 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech isfrustrated and fed up.

Tech support:: (hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there isan undocumented DOScommand that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Letme know how it goes.(10 minutes later.)
User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User : MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come withNOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you thefile. Let me know how it goes.(1 hour later.)
User : I need a new power supply.
Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?
Tech support : (hush hush)
User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and hestarted asking questions about the make of power supply.

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Vino's 1st blog

Friends'z this is my 1st blog...

so lot of mistaken and do like Trial & Error